In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
