I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
