no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
