I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
