I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
