She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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