Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
