I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
