Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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