god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He called his prostate his "boner button".
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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