My nipple is on Facebook.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
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i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
