I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
