i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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