I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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