Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
