Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
