We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
