Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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