So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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