Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
