is your mom at the bar?
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
