you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
