lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
