Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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