i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
