the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
