watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
