i can't believe i had my finger in that
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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