Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
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I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
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The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I need to calm my uterus...
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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