my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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