This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Randomize
