just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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