Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize