I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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