my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
These tits shall not be calmed
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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