Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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