you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Someone came in the potted fern
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
