So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
