Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
