We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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