WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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