My underwear smells like fireworks.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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