I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I have fence marks all over my body
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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