I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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