you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
