I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
