Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
