i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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