Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
