yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Randomize
