come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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