I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
