I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
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He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
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Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
The ass gains better be worth it
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