On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
