Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
