'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
