Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize