I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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