if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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