Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
one two three fourrrrnication!
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
