cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
