The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
You took a bar mat shot.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
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Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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