if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
farters have to be the big spoon...
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
