fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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