I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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