So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
