i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
