My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
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DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
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I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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