forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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