no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
