ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
