reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
