It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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