I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize