a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
two words...techno handjob
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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