clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
